5 Daily Keys To Happiness...

I have decided that with all the negative and depressing things happening in my life right now,

that it's time to concentrate on the little things that either bring a smile to my face, or just happiness to my life, each and every day.

Not going to over-commit myself,

Just 5 little things that have made me happy, each day :)

Out with the negative and in with the positive!

We can all do with a little happiness!!

Here's todays five...

(They may be a little small, it is only 10am after all, but it's the small things in life that make the biggest difference)

• An Hour Sleep-In While The Kids Played In My Daughters Bedroom :)
• Listening To My Daughter Sing - “Humpty Humtpy, Sat On A Wall, Humpty Humpty Has A Fall, Humpty Humpty Can’t Get Back Together Again” Whilst Eating Her Breakfast :)
• Watching Both My Kids Eyes Light Up While I Open Today On Their Advent Calendars :)
• Sitting In The Sunshine, On the Waters Edge, Watching The Fish, For My Five Minutes Of Alone Time :)
• The Excitement I Feel About Going To Do More Christmas Shopping For The Kids Today :D

I Hope My Happiness Becomes Contagious,

And I Wish You All,

Some Of the Happiness I Have Already Been Blessed With Today!

Happy Days :)

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'Tis The Season...

Well, it's that time of year, yet again!

This year, I'm not quite sure who is more excited about Christmas.

My daughter, or myself.

This year, she will be 3 (on boxing Day) and is actually aware of what is going on.

The build up to Christmas this year, has been so exciting...

Not just for her, but for myself also.

When it came time to set up our tree,

Khiarna did pretty much all the decorating, herself.

We went shopping and she picked out all the decorations she wanted.

This year, we have a red and silver theme going.

All picked by Khiarna.

When she got home, there was no time to waste,

we had to set the tree up and decorate it immediately.

We have bought the Freddo Frog Advent Calendars, and aChristmas Chalk Board, that counts down the days until Christmas.

Every morning, after breakfast, both kids get their daily Freddo Frog from their Advent Calendar and then when they finish eating that, we change the number of days left til Christmas on the chalk board. While I try to teach Khiarna how to work out how many days there are left.

Whenever Izaiah tries to sneak an extra Freddo from the Advent Calendar, you can hear Khiarna telling him "No Ziah, only one every day then Christmas!"

What has surprised me,

the kids barely touch the Christmas tree! Or the presents underneath for that matter.

I thought for sure, I'd be spending most of my day, chasing the kids away from the tree,

or re-decorating it after they had destroyed it.

So far, so good!

The only problem I seem to have, is Khiarna thinks she knows best, when it comes to how and where the presents should be put under the tree. Her favourite past-time is to re-arrange the presents, and then to yell and scream at me when I move them back again :|

Khiarna is also ecstatic about Santa, and the fact that he is going to bring her presents.

We have seen him a few times. And whenever she is talking to anyone, she loves telling them about the times she has seen him.

We were waiting at the train station one day, when a bus drove past, filled with Christmas decorations. To top it off, the driver was fat, with a long grey beard, and was wearing a Santa hat! Khiarna got so excited, she started jumping up and down screaming "Santa's driving the bus!"

We went to the shopping centre that same day, and sure enough Santa was there.

He was between photos at the time, so was walking around out the front of the Santa photo area, and talking to people as they were walking past...

Khiarna wanted to go and say hello, so we did.

He asked her "Have you been good?" Khiarna - "yes" Santa - "Have you been good at home for your Mum & Dad?" Khiarna - "Yeah!" Santa -"Oh, I think you're telling me fibs, are you telling me fibs?" Khiarna - "..... Yes."

Haha, it was so cute!

Then just the other week we took both the kids for their Santa photo. Didn't go quite as well as I had planned. I had hoped this year, we may not have to sit with Santa too.

Wishful thinking!

When we got there, Izaiah was fine, racing up to Santa like he knew exactly where he was meant to go, he loved the idea of what was happening.

That was, until Santa spoke to him.

As soon as Santa spoke to him, he screamed and carried on, and clung to my leg, refusing to even look at santa. Of course, I had to pick him up and try to comfort him.

Santa tried comforting him too, by giving Izaiah his bell. The naughty little boy, Izaiah pegged the bell at Santa as hard as he could, hitting him right on the knee cap :|

Khiarna was loving Santa though, talking with him and giving him hi-fives, telling him what she wanted for Christmas, and telling him how she had seen him everywhere!

Once we asked her to go and sit with Santa, that's when the real fun started.

She went all shy and kept saying she didn't want to.

Andrew had to sit with Khiarna, next to Santa, and I had to sit next to Santa on the other side, with Izaiah. The even harder part was getting both kids to look at the camera at the same time.

Izaiah would be staring at Santa, giving him the 'who the hell are you' look, and Khiarna would be looking and pointing at Izaiah, telling him to look at the camera!

in the end, we managed to get a gorgeous photo of Khiarna, and poor Izaiah looks shocked as anything!

The thing that has shocked me, the most I guess.

Is Khiarna's memory.

I can't seem to help but buy more and more Christmas presents, every day.

Most of the time, Khiarna is with me, and seeing as I put them on layby, most of them a month ago. I thought for sure she would forget about what we had actually bought, by the time Christmas came around.

Yet, here we are, 12 days from Christmas, and she can still run off every single thing that is on layby from Santa!!

So much for a surprise!

Luckily, she hasn't quite put 2 and 2 together and worked out, that if she saw me buying them, then they can't be from Santa.

I told her the lady at the shop is Santa's helper, and she's taking them to show Santa, so he knows what she wants ;)

Phewww, she believed me haha.

12 days til Christmas!

When did this sneak up on us?

Even though, I'm still freaking out that this Christmas won't be one of our better ones, or that the kids won't have nearly as much as I would like them to (although fingers crossed I manage to pull a trick out of my hat before then)

I am still more excited about this Christmas, than I have been about any Christmas, since I was a kid!!

I literally feel like I'm a kid again.

I know for sure, I won't be able to sleep Christmas Eve, and that I won't be able to stop myself from waking the kids up at the crack of dawn to open their presents ;)

I'm just too damn excited.

It makes it so much more exciting once the kids know what's going on, and are excited for it

too.

I just can't wait to see the look on Khiarna's face, come Christmas morning, when she comes downstairs and sees that santa has been.

Or the look on both of their faces when they open all their new toys!!

I'm getting so damn excited just talking and thinking about it!!

Hurry up Christmas :)

Hope everyone is just as excited as I am this year.

And hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas with their families.

After all that's really what Christmas is all about in my eyes,

Family :)

Merry Christmas Everyone!!

Clearly... I'm Insane!

Wow, two blogs in one day...

This Mumma's on a roll!!

So, lately, I have had such a HUGE urge....

To have another baby.

I know, I know,

After my last blog, this is obviously so NOT the time.

We are obviously in no position to bring another gorgeous little person into the world.

But a Mumma can always dream, right?!

It just seems, all around me, people are having babies, or falling pregnant :(

And whilst I'm extremely happy for them all,

I can't ignore the jealous pang I feel, every time someone announces their pregnancy, or birth of their gorgeous little new born.

I really shouldn't be so clucky, considering my not-so-little Buddha is only a bit over 13mths old.

But yet, that cluckiness, is nagging away at me.

I'm yearning to have yet another.

No matter how hard I try to ignore the clucking,

it can't be drowned out!

I do new-born so well.

I can handle the no sleep, as I never sleep before midnight anyways, and I'm always up at the crack of dawn with Ziah as it is. And half the time, I'm still waking through the night with Izaiah.

I'm all in routine for another baby! Haha

But, there are so many reasons why I shouldn't venture into that territory, just yet anyways.

We are living at my inlaws at the moment, while we try to find a house.

Izaiah is sharing our bedroom.

We are not financially ready for another bub right now.

Izaiah still clings to me, almost, every minute of the day. And screams whenever anyone else touches me, or goes near me. And screams the house down whenever I leave his sight.

Oh and not to mention the little fact of, Andrew has said no, for now anyway.

Yet, even though I know all of these reasons, and they are legit reasons as to why I shouldn't even consider another baby yet,

I can't drown out the constant clucking!!

It's strange actually,

I had always said, I would only ever have one kid.

I never wanted a big family.

All I ever wanted was one little girl.

That was, until I fell pregnant with Khiarna.

Once I was pregnant, I wanted a boy.

And I no longer only wanted one, I wanted 4 kids.

Big jump I know!

And then, after having Izaiah,

I wanted even more, so badly.

He brought out the true Mumma in me, I guess.

He made me even cluckier, from the day he was born.

I didn't think it was possible to get even more clucky once having a baby.

Or, for your own baby to make you so damn clucky for more!!

Izaiah was 28 days old, and I asked Andrew if we could start trying for another a.s.a.p!

He's reaction, of course, was "You're crazy!"

Haha.

I thought, as Izaiah got older, my cluckiness would go away, slowly.

And even though, both kids are being such little brats lately, I still want another, sooooo badly!

Don't worry, you don't have to tell me,

I already know it.

Clearly...

I'm insane!

Return To The Blog Scene.... Goodbye 2010.. Let's hope for a better year!

It has been quite some time, since I showed my face around these parts; and I thought, seeing as this year is almost done and dusted, I should make an appearance. Even if it is the last one for this year, I'll be happy with that, leaving this year behind for a new one, couldn't come quicker!

This year, has been one of the very hardest for myself, and my little family.

Yet, somehow (not quite sure how exactly) I have managed to sport a brave face, and push on through, just like a good Mumma does.

I'm not sure, where or when, everything went wrong. All I do know, is that I hope my life gets it's shit together for the New Year!

Not only, have I had to somehow adjust to two little rugrats under my feet all the time. I've had to do this, with all our family living hours away now. My inlaws moved almost 3hrs away at the start of the year. I thought, at first, it would be great for us as a family. To be in our own space again, and be a family of just the four of us. Doing our own thing, and spending quality time together.

Oh how I was wrong.

Once my inlaws moved out, the ermm 'Lovely' landlord decided he wasn't content enough with how much money he was pocketing from us each week. So, as all 'lovely' landlords do, he jacked our rent up, to $400 a week!!

Needless to say, this was far more than we could actually afford. So in turn, to ensure our rent was being paid, and we had food on the table. Hardly any of our other bills were seeing any of our money. We ended up losing our beloved Foxtel, our much needed house phone line, and my one outlet to the real world, our internet!

As well as all of this, my friend who would normally take Khiarna to daycare for me, as I don't drive, started working the days Khiarna had daycare. So, no more daycare for her. Which meant she was stuck at home, all day, every day, with Ziah and I. Of course, this was not to her liking, and I, apparently, was to blame for this. Copping her attitude, tantrums and just plain nastiness, all day, every day.

Andrew and I were fighting, day in - day out. We just had to look at each other the wrong way, for everything to blow up!

Not to mention, we never had any time together anymore either.We had no one to watch the kids for us, so we couldn't even spend an hour together, without the kids. No going out, without them, no sitting down watching a movie, nothing. This, of course, took a huge toll on my marriage. Andrew was out all afternoon and night, with his mate, drinking & having a good time. While I would sit at home, alone, with the 2 kids. And it wasn't long, before we grew apart. We were never seeing each other, and when we did, we would argue constantly.

So, after a few months of this routine, enough was enough. It wasn't a healthy relationship, for us or the kids! And the only way to fix it, was to end it. And that's what we did :(

We separated. I went and stayed with my Mum, in Canberra, with both the kids. It wasn't long before we realised, it wasn't what either of us wanted, and we needed to fix things. I returned, with the kids, and started to try and work on everything that was going wrong.

When I returned, I found half the house packed, Andrew had given our 3wks notice to vacate the property. Even though, we had nowhere else lined up yet.

We spent 3wks packing, and trying our hardest not to argue over everything. And when our time was up, we still hadn't found another house to go to. I ended up having to send both the kids to stay at my Mums for a few weeks, while Andrew & I stayed in a friends on-site caravan, and tried desperately to find another place for us all.

With no luck. every house we applied for, we were knocked back. It seems no one wants to give us a chance :(

But that time, without the kids, was just what our marriage needed. There was barely any arguments, and we actually got to spend time together, without the kids. We were able to go out for dinner, go out for a few drinks, just hang out and spend quality time together, for the first time in years! It was great for us.

After 3wks of the kids being at my Mums place, and we hadn't even seen them, I couldn't handle it anymore. Ziah was going to be 1 in a week, and there was no way I was going to miss that! So Andrew & I made the trip to Canberra to pick them up again. The plan was, the kids and bring them back to the caravan with us. the kids and I would stay there with Andrew for a week, so he could spend some time with them. And then, we would head up to my inlaws place, while Andrew stayed at the caravan and continued to try and find us a house.

This didn't happen though. The kids and I ended up staying for almost 6wks. And, of course, things were not the best. All four of us, cramped into such a tiny space, no room to move, no room to breathe. Izaiah refusing to sleep every night, and keeping Khiarna awake. Toys taking up the entire floor space every day. Not exactly what you'd call ideal. But still, we were all together.

Now, though, the kids and I have moved on, to my inlaws place. We've just about given up all hope of finding a place of our own. The real estates are trying to tell us that we can't afford the houses we're applying for. Which isn't true, at all. They just don't like the idea of such a young couple, with 2 young kids, living in their house, or so it appears.

And to be honest, the prices we're applying for, you can't get anything cheaper than that, we're applying for the cheapest, what are we meant to do?

Andrew is still down the coast, almost 3hrs away, through the week, and we get to see him on weekends. Again, not ideal. When we do get to see him, he's tired, and just wants to stay at home and relax, where as, the kids and I have spent all week, at home doing nothing. We want to go out and do things together.

It seems nothing is going our way this year!

Now, we have 2wks til Christmas, and I'm still panicking, as I don't have all that much for the kids yet :(

And Boxing Day, Khiarna will turn 3. Again, we won't be having a party this year. We're too far away from any of our, or her, friends and we just simply won't have the money.

I just keep thinking back to 12mths ago...

When our lives were on track, and everything was perfect.

So much can change in 12 months!

And sadly, I don't see anything getting better any time soon.

All I can do, is hold my head high, and try not to let the kids see how depressed and low I am right now. After all, it is the season to be jolly, isn't it?!

Introducing...Santa!

It appears that we have a new, person, staying at our house.

About 2-3weeks ago, we were introduced to Khiarna's newest friend.

His name is Santa,

He is about 10cms tall,

and he is imaginary.

:

I was confused at first.

Here were my mother-inlaw and I, packing boxes;

While Khiarna is running up and down the length of the house, yelling "Santa's chasing Nar-Nar!"

At first I didn't pay much attention to what she was saying.

But when she kept going on and on about Santa chasing her, I got curious.

I stopped her to check what she was saying, thinking surely I'd heard wrong.

But nope, I was in fact hearing my 2yr old daughter telling me that Santa was chasing her.

So I asked some questions.

Trying to find out what she was talking about.

I told her to show me Santa, and take him to Grandma so she could meet him.

She gets down on her knees, and points to Santa (who is down on the floor, as he's tiny),

acts as if she's just grabbed someone's hand and is holding their hand, and leads the invisible santa over to Grandma.

After a few hours, Santa vanished.

I thought that was the end of our visit from Santa.

And that Khiarna had forgotten about him.

I was wrong!

Since then,

Santa has been a frequent guest in our house.

There is not a day that goes by, without some mention of him.

Luckily, he is slowly being mentioned less.

:)

I know this may sound mean,

but I'm not sure if we're meant to encourage this imaginary friend, or try to discourage it?

It seems innocent enough, but will encouraging her belief in an imaginary friend help her in the long run?

At first, Andrew tried the discouraging path, of trying to tell Khiarna that her friend, Santa, wasn't real. It sounded so mean, a Dad telling his 2yr old daughter that Santa is pretend. LOL.

But no matter how much we tried to tell her that he was pretend, Khiarna had no intentions of giving up on her new found friend.

He went to bed with her everynight, slept in her bed.

I would have to tuck both Khiarna and Santa in at night, give them both a cuddle and kiss, and tell them both that I love them.

Santa would sit and eat with Khiarna.

Whenever a car drove past, Khiarna would inform us that Santa was in that car.

I would find her, sitting on her own, squirming and giggling, and when asked what she was doing, she would tell me that "Santa's tickling Nar-Nar"...

Strangely enough though, when we'd go to other peoples houses, and I'd tell them about Khiarna's new friend, Santa was never with us.

He never left the house - apart from when he was in cars with strangers - he was only an at-home imaginary friend.

Then one day, I asked Khiarna where Santa was, and she told me "Santa's gone now",

we have had a few mentions of him since, but nothing like it was before.

Is it normal for a 2yr old to have an imaginary friend? I thought that kids were generally a bit older before they started getting imaginary friends!!

But, I've started to notice that Khiarna has a very vivid imagination.

On the car trip on our way home from Canberra the other weekend,

Khiarna told me that she could see a Kangaroo.

Later, the Kangaroo stole her dummy, and threw it out the window, into the forest!

We have Elephants visit us everyday, Kangaroos, Snakes, Rabbits, the lot!!

And her imagination is starting to come out in her play as well.

I'm not quite sure of how to explain it, but when she plays.

She seems so grown up.

Like an older kid is sitting in front of me playing.

She goes on adventures through forests,

she goes for walks to the shop,

She plays in the jungle with Elephants, Giraffes and Zebras.

Watching her very vivid imagination run wild before my eyes, makes me melt.

This little girl in front of me, with wide eyes, and an imagination that could put any writer to shame, she's mine. That little baby that I carried for 9 long months, the little baby that I held in my arms, cared for and nursed. The little baby that made my heart grow bigger than I ever thought possible, and this little girl, this little lady, sitting in front of me, so grown up, are one in the same.

How can that little baby of mine, already be so grown up.

Know so much,

And act older than her age,

And I not see any of it taking place?

I don't remember seeing my precious little baby girl, turning into a little lady.

Yet, I have spent every day with her since she was born, how could I possibly have missed it all?

No matter how much time I spend with her,

she just keeps growing up quicker than I can catch!!

What's In Your Bag?

Yes, I'm a follower :)

But what can I say?

I can't help it!

Sooo, let's see where do I start?

Top Left: My handbag when it's shut (a rare sight)

Top Right: When opened up

Bottom Left: My side of the bag

Bottom Right: The kids' side of the bag

Ok...

On my side we have:

My purse,

Cigarettes and lighter,

My sunnies,

Khiarna's handbag when she's had enough of carrying it, or after we've been out so she has it next time we go out,

Calculator,

Phone,

Make-Up Bag,

Andrew's Puffa,

Keys,

Lip Gloss x4,

Girly Products,

Spare Lighter,

A Pen,

Deoderant,

Small Hair-Brush.

In the front 2 pockets:

Another Lip Gloss,

Another Pen,

Diary.

Middle Pocket:

Izaiah's Blue Baby Book.

The Kids' Side:

Wipes,

Nappies for Izaiah,

Nappies for Khiarna,

Panadol (for me and the kids),

2x Change of clothes for BOTH kids,

Spare Dummies for BOTH kids,

Enough formula for one bottle,

Nappy Rash Cream,

Tissues,

Spare Dummy Chain for Khiarna,

Teething Rusks,

Teether,

Moisturiser,

Hat for Khiarna.

Back Pocket:

3 More Lighters (no wonder I can never find them, no idea why there's so many in there though)!

This is not to mention the addition of my camera, snacks, loose change, whatever Khiarna decides to throw in my handbag through-out the day,the dirt and crap in the bottom of my bag, oh and Khiarna's drink bottle, and if we're out for awhile, Izaiah's bottle, maybe Khiarna's jacket and some toys and dolls accessories, the list goes on and on!!

No wonder my shoulder hurts whenever we go out!!

2 Kids + Moi, and 1 bag = painful!

Poor Andrew can never find anything in there.

When he asks me where something is and I say "In my handbag" he just brings me the handbag, he reckons it will be quicker for me to find it than him, he gets lost in there, Hahaha.

I reckon I could probably almost fit Izaiah in there!!

Operation; Think Happy - Wk 2

Yesssss!!

It's that time of week again, well I'm a bit late, but I'm here now;

And that's all that counts!

1.

Our newest Babysitter -

Dora the Explorer;

I love having the ability to record episodes of Dora on our Foxtel IQ, and have it playing whenever I need it. I can do housework, I can duck outside for a quick smoke, I can go to the toilet - get this - ALONE! Khiarna is obsessed with Dora, and now the Buddha - man is following suit. Watching them both lay on the floor together, eyes wide open, smiles on their faces, watching the adventures Dora and Boots embark on. Khiarna jumps up and follows their actions, points out the characters to me, screams "Oh no, Swiper Mummy" and repeats EVERY word they say, including what they say in Spanish.

Heart-melting stuff right there!

2.

A long, hot shower - ALONE!

The other day, I got to shower alone, for the first time in ages. Normally, I've got one of the kids with me, usually Izaiah.

But not this time.

Both kids were asleep, and I thought I'd take this time to reward myself, with a long, relaxing, hot shower. Hey, I even got to wash my hair, and shave my legs.

Now that is a slice of sweet, sweet heaven!

3.

Lacy Lingerie;

I have 2 items of lingerie in my drawer, that have been there for years - never worn.

Tonight, Andrew is out with his mates, I actually thought he'd be home earlier, and I wanted to surprise him. I went to the drawer and pulled out the waste of material sitting in it. I looked it over for awhile, and thought "Hey, what the hell" I put it on, and to my surprise, it fits, quite nicely. And to top it off, I even feel comfortable in it!! I couldn't believe it, it looks good, is comfortable, and I'm loving it!

It even prompted me to jump on the scales. To find I'd lost 2kgs - yew go me!

Needless to say, I put it on at around 9:30pm, it is now 12:48am, still no Andrew, but I'm still wearing it, what can I say, I actually feel comfortable, I feel like I actually look good. Now I haven't felt like this since before I fell pregnant with Izaiah!

It could very well be the start of a new addiction!

4.

BBQ Chicken and Bacon pizza -

What can I say? Except "Delicious"!

I hadn't had it in close to 18 months, and last night decided I'd give it a go again. One of the best choices I have ever made!

I have enjoyed this beautiful piece of tasty heaven, 2 nights in a row now. Although, I'm almost certain Khiarna enjoyed it alot more than I did tonight, considering she polished off 5 pieces of it tonight!

Shock horror!

5.

Khiarna's WONDERFUL change in behaviour;

For the last few months before turning the big 2, the tantrums this girl could throw, were unbelievable, and constant!! This lasted up until about 2 weeks ago. She still throws them for her Daddy dearest, but hardly ever Mummy anymore. I was even able to take both her and Izaiah to Macca's and then Coles, without a pram or stroller, and without having to raise my voice once - COMPLETELY tantrum free!!

She has gone back to being my little Angel once again.

And...The only things she asked for while we were shopping was cheese, and - wait for it - heaps of things in the HEALTH FOOD section. Dried fruit and fruit snacks like apricot logs, etc. She had her own money too - $7, and she bought herself a little teddy bear and a chocolate egg. I couldn't believe the teddy bear, she saw it on the bottom shelf grabbed it and refused to swap it for a pretty lion or elephant one, it had to be this plain tan teddy bear. It was $6 so she bought it with her own money, and thought she was so grown up!

6.

Sleeping In Until 9-9:30am;

It seems Izaiah has finally realised that Mummy thoroughly enjoys a good sleep-in!

We're still having trouble most nights getting him to bed before 1am, but for the last 3/4 nights, he's been in bed before 10/10:30 and not waking until 9-9:30am!!!

Ohh and when he wakes now, he lays in his basinet while I get Khiarna dressed and get dressed myself, without crying once. He lays there talking to himself, or just staring at his mobile. And then spends the next hour after waking, giggling and smiling at me, refusing to touch his bottle, once he has got that hour of giggling, smiling and talking to his Mummy dearest out of the way, he has his bottle, and then starts the catnapping process for the day!

7.

Baby #3 - An Agreed Deal;

The other night, whilst Andrew was semi-drunk, we were laying in bed discussing - BABIES!

Andrew has been dead-set on 'no more babies' he says he is quite happy with the 2 he has already, and with the complications we have had with the pregnancies and births of both our beautiful kiddies, he's too scared of what may happen the next time. Plus, he says he can't handle the stress of all the complications.

BUT...The other night, that all changed. I never wanted a big family, one was always going to be enough for me, until I fell pregnant with Khiarna. Then I decided I wanted a big family, 4 or 5! Andrew had always wanted that, until we had Izaiah. As far as he was concerned, he had his girl and his boy, he didn't want, nor need, another. But he has agreed, he even shook on it, that in 3yrs time, we can start trying for another bubba!

Yessssssss!!

These are just 7 of the many things that have made me happy this week, there are more, but 7 is enough.

Stay tuned for next weeks instalment!!

The Past...The Present; What Difference?

I was sitting here, tossing around a thought that comes to my mind quite alot.

At the moment, we are currently house-hunting.

I hate house-hunting.

I hate the looks the real-estate agents give me.

I hate the judgement firing out of their eyes like a laser beam, right in my direction.

I look younger than I actually am.

And for that, they judge me.

I walk into a house, to check it out, and make sure it's suitable for our little family.

All the while, being followed by an estate agent, with a very judgemental look on their face, judging my every step.

I am 21.

I am married.

I am a mother of 2 beautiful children.

A 2yr old daughter, and a 3mth old son.

For this, I am judged.

Just because I am young, married, with 2 kids,

doesn't give anyone the right to judge me,

or make me any worse of a mother,

or a human for that matter.

So why do people think they have the right to judge my life?

Now let's take a walk down history lane, if you will.

To a time, let's say 40-50yrs ago.

When our grandparents were our age.

When the world was a different place.

When most girls, were married with kids by the age of 21, if not younger.

I know almost all of my Nan's sisters were pregnant quite young, 14, 16, etc. And married too.

A time when it was actually expected that a girl get married as soon as she could, and produce as many babies as possible. Spend her days at home, raising children, cleaning the house, washing the clothes, and cooking the meals. Being the perfect house-keeper, mother and wife.

So why should things be any different these days?

I mean, yes, these days, it is not expected that a young girl's purpose in life, be 'just' a mother and wife. (as if it is a meaningless job, by saying 'just' - the work of a mother and wife, is more than any full time job on this planet!)

But it also not accepted either!

How is that fair?

I am not saying that it should be expected. Not at all. Every girl has the right to do what she wants with her life.

Whether that be a career, or it be a family.

Without having judgement cast in their direction by complete strangers, all the time.

Age doesn't define you.

Our grandparents knew this, their parents knew this.

When did society lose this knowledge? This respect for a person to choose their own path in life, to choose their own life?

So what if I chose to have my kids young? If I chose marry young?

Whose business is that, except my own?

I don't regret my decision, I am proud to be what I am...

A Mother and a Wife.

So what if I may only be 21,

Married with kids.

My kids are not neglected, they are not missing out on anything.

They have everything they need, and pretty much everything they want as well.

They are well-fed, they are clean-clothed, they are clean.

My house is clean, my family are happy.

What else matters?

And why do people think it is their place to lay judgement?

To judge me and my family.

Do they not remember those days?

The days of our grandparents, and their parents?

The acceptance that was sadly lost with our parents, and has passed the judgement onto our shoulders.

I am sick of people giving me that disgusted look when I take my kids out.

I am sick of 'old' people staring at me like I'm some little whore, because I am a young mum.

When 'back in their day' they were in the same position as me, only minus the judgement.

I am sick of hearing that I had my kids to claim the government pay-outs.

My kids were not conceived as a pay-check.

And they mean more to me than any amount of money in the world.

And this coming from people, who found it acceptable to have a marriage and family young, who had a marriage and family young.

So why is it so wrong for me to have the same thing?

Am I not good enough to be a mother and wife?

Because of my age?

And because of what society thinks?

Screw society!!

I am happy with my life.

I love my life.

We planned for this!

Believe it or not, Khiarna was NOT an accident, we tried endlessly to have her, and NOT for the baby bonus, we would have had her even if there was no baby-bonus.

I mean sure, the baby-bonus helped us out, but it wasn't the reason for having either of my kids.

They would still be here today even without it.

How dare anyone say that my kids are only here for financial reasons.

I don't know of there being a baby-bonus when our grandparents' and their parents' generations were getting married and having kids young, so therefore their kids weren't for financial gain. So what makes them think mine are? Why can't someone young just want to get married and have kids? Without having an agenda, a financial one at that.

And do they really think that the baby-bonus is enough to make me want to have a baby for money?

I mean they have kids, so surely they know just how expensive and stressful kids can be. And how short money goes. That the baby-bonus isn't enough to provide everything for your child, as well as be enough for you to run wild with.

Not all of us choose to spend our money on partying and childish things. Some of us actually care about what our kids need, and actually provide for them.

Not all of us young mumma's have kids for money.

And seriously, how far is $384 baby-bonus a fortnight going to go, with a baby to provide for? How much of that do they actually think is left over for me to use on myself?

What, with nappies, wipes, formula, bills, shopping, petrol, everything and anything else the kids need, daycare fees, the list is never-ending. Do they even know how expensive that is?

It may have been cheaper in their days, work may have been easier to find and more secure.

Cloth nappies were the only option, formula wasn't even around, or only just being introduced, rent was cheaper, bills weren't like they are now - phone, electricity, water, foxtel(optional, yes, but to keep my 2yr old - Dora - obsessed - daughter happy, essential), internet (maybe not available back then, and they may see it as a luxury, but let's face it, these days it's pretty much a necessity), again, the list goes on. The cost of living back then, is nothing compared to what it is now. And it's not like wages are going up with the cost of living!

How can they honestly think that bringing a baby into this world could be for any amount of money!?

I think it's time that these people took their judging specs off, and faced up to reality.

What was good enough for them, is good enough for us.

And maybe while they're at it, realise that some of us, actually make this choice to be young mummas and/or wives.

I will still be young enough when my kids are older, that I can still do all the things I want, and it gives me time to save the money to do it.

I can still go and make a career for myself, or study, or do whatever it is I want.

The time's are changing!

Now-a-days, you can still be a mum AND have a career! There are no limits on what I can do!

So how dare anyone judge me for the decisions I made! The choices I made! This is the life I chose, because this is what I wanted!

And no-one is going to make me feel guilty for that!

I have everything I need in life, and if no one is willing to look past the judgement, then screw them! I am what I am...a Mother and Wife. And I am proud of that.

If they're not willing to look past their pathetic judgement to see the great mother and wife I am, regardless of age and my decisions, and if they can't see me for what I am, and accept that.

Look past all the judgement as discrimination, then I'll just have to rise above them all and show them exactly how good I am at what I am. It's not what I do, it's who I am.

I am better than all that judgement, and I'll show them all.

I can make a great life for my family and I, and prove them all wrong.

They are wrong!

And what a wake up they're gonna get, when I am the one who has the family young, gets married young, gets a career, and has a great life.

A life they are just jealous of, because they were too scared to over-come judgement and do it themselves.

You can't live your life by anyone else's expectations, and other people's restrictions can't hold you back!

You have to be the best you can be, if not for yourself, then for your children.

So they can grow up knowing their mothers are strong women, and be proud of us.

And grow up to have the same strength, to be and do whatever they want, and let nothing hold them back!

That is the real reward!