It has been quite some time, since I showed my face around these parts; and I thought, seeing as this year is almost done and dusted, I should make an appearance. Even if it is the last one for this year, I'll be happy with that, leaving this year behind for a new one, couldn't come quicker!
This year, has been one of the very hardest for myself, and my little family.
Yet, somehow (not quite sure how exactly) I have managed to sport a brave face, and push on through, just like a good Mumma does.
I'm not sure, where or when, everything went wrong. All I do know, is that I hope my life gets it's shit together for the New Year!
Not only, have I had to somehow adjust to two little rugrats under my feet all the time. I've had to do this, with all our family living hours away now. My inlaws moved almost 3hrs away at the start of the year. I thought, at first, it would be great for us as a family. To be in our own space again, and be a family of just the four of us. Doing our own thing, and spending quality time together.
Oh how I was wrong.
Once my inlaws moved out, the ermm 'Lovely' landlord decided he wasn't content enough with how much money he was pocketing from us each week. So, as all 'lovely' landlords do, he jacked our rent up, to $400 a week!!
Needless to say, this was far more than we could actually afford. So in turn, to ensure our rent was being paid, and we had food on the table. Hardly any of our other bills were seeing any of our money. We ended up losing our beloved Foxtel, our much needed house phone line, and my one outlet to the real world, our internet!
As well as all of this, my friend who would normally take Khiarna to daycare for me, as I don't drive, started working the days Khiarna had daycare. So, no more daycare for her. Which meant she was stuck at home, all day, every day, with Ziah and I. Of course, this was not to her liking, and I, apparently, was to blame for this. Copping her attitude, tantrums and just plain nastiness, all day, every day.
Andrew and I were fighting, day in - day out. We just had to look at each other the wrong way, for everything to blow up!
Not to mention, we never had any time together anymore either.We had no one to watch the kids for us, so we couldn't even spend an hour together, without the kids. No going out, without them, no sitting down watching a movie, nothing. This, of course, took a huge toll on my marriage. Andrew was out all afternoon and night, with his mate, drinking & having a good time. While I would sit at home, alone, with the 2 kids. And it wasn't long, before we grew apart. We were never seeing each other, and when we did, we would argue constantly.
So, after a few months of this routine, enough was enough. It wasn't a healthy relationship, for us or the kids! And the only way to fix it, was to end it. And that's what we did :(
We separated. I went and stayed with my Mum, in Canberra, with both the kids. It wasn't long before we realised, it wasn't what either of us wanted, and we needed to fix things. I returned, with the kids, and started to try and work on everything that was going wrong.
When I returned, I found half the house packed, Andrew had given our 3wks notice to vacate the property. Even though, we had nowhere else lined up yet.
We spent 3wks packing, and trying our hardest not to argue over everything. And when our time was up, we still hadn't found another house to go to. I ended up having to send both the kids to stay at my Mums for a few weeks, while Andrew & I stayed in a friends on-site caravan, and tried desperately to find another place for us all.
With no luck. every house we applied for, we were knocked back. It seems no one wants to give us a chance :(
But that time, without the kids, was just what our marriage needed. There was barely any arguments, and we actually got to spend time together, without the kids. We were able to go out for dinner, go out for a few drinks, just hang out and spend quality time together, for the first time in years! It was great for us.
After 3wks of the kids being at my Mums place, and we hadn't even seen them, I couldn't handle it anymore. Ziah was going to be 1 in a week, and there was no way I was going to miss that! So Andrew & I made the trip to Canberra to pick them up again. The plan was, the kids and bring them back to the caravan with us. the kids and I would stay there with Andrew for a week, so he could spend some time with them. And then, we would head up to my inlaws place, while Andrew stayed at the caravan and continued to try and find us a house.
This didn't happen though. The kids and I ended up staying for almost 6wks. And, of course, things were not the best. All four of us, cramped into such a tiny space, no room to move, no room to breathe. Izaiah refusing to sleep every night, and keeping Khiarna awake. Toys taking up the entire floor space every day. Not exactly what you'd call ideal. But still, we were all together.
Now, though, the kids and I have moved on, to my inlaws place. We've just about given up all hope of finding a place of our own. The real estates are trying to tell us that we can't afford the houses we're applying for. Which isn't true, at all. They just don't like the idea of such a young couple, with 2 young kids, living in their house, or so it appears.
And to be honest, the prices we're applying for, you can't get anything cheaper than that, we're applying for the cheapest, what are we meant to do?
Andrew is still down the coast, almost 3hrs away, through the week, and we get to see him on weekends. Again, not ideal. When we do get to see him, he's tired, and just wants to stay at home and relax, where as, the kids and I have spent all week, at home doing nothing. We want to go out and do things together.
It seems nothing is going our way this year!
Now, we have 2wks til Christmas, and I'm still panicking, as I don't have all that much for the kids yet :(
And Boxing Day, Khiarna will turn 3. Again, we won't be having a party this year. We're too far away from any of our, or her, friends and we just simply won't have the money.
I just keep thinking back to 12mths ago...
When our lives were on track, and everything was perfect.
So much can change in 12 months!
And sadly, I don't see anything getting better any time soon.
All I can do, is hold my head high, and try not to let the kids see how depressed and low I am right now. After all, it is the season to be jolly, isn't it?!
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