In or Out?

Today, I bought a long-lost luxury. I purchased the latest Cleo mag! For the first time in probably long over a year! Sad? Yes, very!

A simple and small luxury, that has been long forgotten for quite some time now :(

I can still remember those far-away days, the ones where I purchased a copy ofboth Cleo and Cosmopolitan magazines, each and every month, without fail. Starting at 15, sitting around those ugly metal benches at school, with all my friends, reading all the juicy sex tips and secrets. Absorbing every tiny hint and detail. A whole other life-time away... Sigh.

But, getting back to the point now...

I found myself flicking through the pages, hoping to find something juicy and remotely interesting - seeing as I lucked out with juicy sex articles this month - and stumbled across an article that hit close to home.

'Is Staying In The New Going Out?'

This article stuck out like a sore thumb for me. Normally, I'd find these article boring and flick right on past it. But these days it seems my priorities, along with my interests, have changed course.

The article talks about how many 20-somethings are now opting for the quiet night-in, rather than the all-nighter, alcohol induced, club sessions.

Apparently, I'm not alone!

I'd never really noticed before reading this article, how a night-out clubbing, comes second to a nice night-in, in my eyes lately.

After spending all week changing nappies, making and giving bottles, bathing, feeding, cleaning, washing, trudging through tantrum territory, sleepless nights and playing the role of Mummy and Wife; the last plan on my agenda, is spending hours getting dressed up, heading out to a club filled with sleaze-bags, and slutty 'just-turned-18' year old girls, for a night of disappointment.

Because, honestly, that's what it turns out to be. Drinks cost a fortune, the music is usually shit, the dance-floor almost empty, and I just don't feel comfortable in that scene anymore, for some reason. The 'idea' of a night-out at the club is far more appealing than the night actually turns out to be, sadly.

Most of the friends I used to head out with, are no longer around, and the night just isn't the same these days. We end up heading outside for a smoke, and spending most of the night, sitting outside, whinging and bitching about everything and anything.

The friend I used to go out with every weekend, now also has a kid - though she is still in the club scene every weekend, and still has the confidence and stamina for a night filled with drunken all night dancing - it's not like 'the good old days'!

Another friend, works with alcohol 5-6 days a week, putting up with drunken idiots all the time at work, and frankly the last way she wants to spend her nights off and spare time, is in that same scene. Plus, she isn't one for the 'girl's night out'. She'd rather we all go out together as couples. Something that always back-fires with Andrew and I. Mix alcohol, and a night out with Andrew and I, we end up with arguments of disastrous proportions.

Everyone else either lives too far away, or just isn't around anymore.

i just don't seem to have the same type of confidence that I once did, either. I need to have a few drinks in me now-a-days to actually want to get up and dance the night away. Confidence, I have found, comes in numbers. When out with a big group, I'll be up dancing, regardless of how many drinks I have or haven't had. But sadly, those numbers are lacking.

Plus, I also think, clubbing is far more fun when you're single? Or maybe it's just me?

Half the fun (well more than half, really ;P ) with heading out for a night at the club, was the male possibility!

Judge me if you will, but I'm sure many of you were once the same.

My goal, in a night out at the club, was simply - to pick up. And it was fun! I'd get completely wasted, put myself out there, do whatever I wanted, flirt with who-ever, carry on, do whatever I wanted, with who-ever I wanted.

Now don't get me wrong, I love my husband and my kids, more than anything in this world, or any other for that matter, but sometimes I do miss that freedom. To go out whenever I wanted, with who-ever I wanted, wherever I wanted. To pick-up a new guy every night, if that's what I wanted to do.

And as much as I love my life now, sometimes I miss that part of life. I would never change the life I have now though.

But here I am, at the tender age of 21, married with 2 kids, spending all of my time at home, playing the role of mother and wife. While most people my age are still out partying, and sleeping around.

When I go out now, I spend my time worrying about my kids. Are they behaving themselves, should I really be out or should I be at home with them? Or telling random sleaze's to back off, because as much as I sometimes miss the fun of sleeping with some guy you know you'll never see again, and sometimes you may never want to see again, I love my husband, and no matter how tempted, would never do anything with another guy. It's not worth it, and my marriage and my kids are worth more to me than some random pick-up, that probably won't be any good anyway. When i know I have 3 wonderful people waiting at home for me, that can give, and already have given me, everything I could ever need in this life, and the next.

But, I can't help but feel old beyond my years. I feel like I'm 51, not 21. Sitting at home every weekend, playing with my kids, or watching tv with the hubby, while others are out doing the things I spent most of my years doing.

Maybe it's the novelty? Does the novelty of going out every night and getting drunk beyond all recognition, fade?

I started drinking and partying at the young and naive age of 14. Spending each and every weekend getting trashed, and hooking up with any and every guy I could. At that age, it was all a game. Now everything is so much more serious. I am well aware of the consequences that follow my actions. The impact my behaviour can have on others.

Do these 'young' ones out doing all the things I once did, realise what they are actually doing? The reputation that is going to follow them due to their actions and behaviour. 'It takes minutes to earn a reputation, but years to lose it' I was told many times growing up, but I was too young and naive to pay any attention to it. i had to learn the hard way, and believe me, I did!

But does a night-in, really have to mean a night-in?

What happened to the good old days of movie nights, going out for dinner. All those 'quieter' things?

Just because I have 2 kids now, does it really mean that I give up all of those too?

Where did all the friends go? The ones who were always there when you were heading out drinking for the night, but are now nowhere to be found when you opt for a quieter option? Is clubbing the only option for a night with the girls?